Stuff

So, did some random things last week. Saw Rent, got a nose piercing, went shopping, saw a huge Christmas tree that was lit up, hung out with my niece, went out to the Temple for service, and slept. Good times.

Such a good time Sunday night. Was under a super sensitive worship leader, with a true humble heart. It was awesome to see someone who genuinely just wanted to be with Jesus. I really was enthralled with his position of worship and attitude of meekness. It was honestly what i needed. Throughout the day God was with me telling me to seek Him, regardless of what I was doing. Such a neat thing to have the Creator of the Heaven's reach out to you that way. In the service at night He expressed to me "the rest is insignificant" .. I have been chewing on that all week. I've been thinking about how much stuff i find important or hard to deal with, when in comparision to Jesus, it really is insignificant. Cool realization. Still chewing.

The new X-Box 360 looks like a paper shredder

So.. random thoughts today. Nothing really to go on about. Had kinda of a tired week. Felt just really tired all the time. I do feel better today, and I'm hoping with a good night's sleep tonite, things will be back to normal again. I realized last night that on Dec 1st it will have been 11 years since my father died. Wow. So much time has passed. In many ways I feel guilty that time has gone by so quickly and my life has moved on in so many ways, and I don't think of him very much. One of my pastors once told me that you can ask Jesus to talk to your relatives that have moved. To like let them know stuff, or to let you know stuff. Kinda gives me the heebie jeebies. I mean I believe that my father is in heaven by the grace of God, but the thoughts of actually asking Jesus to chat with him for some reason doesn't bring me comfort.

Anyway, being fatherless is a strange thing, I understand why GOd has such an affection for the fatherless and the widowed. It's a tough deal to be dealt. But with lots of time and healing, I don't feel like there's a gaping wound in my life. Just a twinge of pain to know that I don't have someone to go to and talk with, and listen to his incredibly illogical logic. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it?

I'm Naked Out Here

SO.. had to ask forgiveness from someone I DIDN'T want to ask from. Holy flip. THis week God has been speaking to me SOOO many times. It's been amazing to me how clear and direct His voice has been. Anyway, said sorry to someone who I am miffed at today. Man, it was hard. The things Dad asks of us sometimes are really hard to deal with. I don't understand Him sometimes.... Especially in this situation where the guy doesn't know I'm ticked at him, so this will all take him by surprise. AND i wanted to just let it go, but God has been speaking to me that I can't that I have to ask for forgiveness for being offended at him.

GAH!

Some Clarity

So i chatted with my grandmother about my father the other night. Very rarely will she talk about him at all, it seems to make her really sad. i don't think that she has gotten over another one of her children dying before her. She was talking about my grandfather and how loving and caring he was (I can remember his kindness even though he died when i was only 6 years old). She said, "your father was nothing like your grandfather, he really wasn't capable of love. People like that shouldn't get married, or especially have children". I couldn't believe that she said that, couldn't believe she was admitting those things to me. It was a good affirming moment, cause it's something we knew all along, but to hear his own mother admit to it, was a small victory. I feel bad for my grandmother, I'm sure she blames herself, but the truth is she didn't cause his problems as a child, and she didn't have the means or the ability to protect him from his disease that cause anti-social tendancies. 11 years later a small reassurance that what we all knew was a reality.

Random Thoughts

Today I'm cold. It's freezing on this crazy island and my fingers are frozen. I have my heater on in the office, but it's not warming me up.
My life is random, those things that happen to me are random, how I react is random and what happens next is sure to be even more random than before. I'm glad of this fact; however, it keeps me interested in what's going on, and I'm sure keeps those around me laughing.
Unfortunatly in all this randomness, I don't appear to be any closer to the random goals that I have for my life. It's funny that in the past 5 years or so I have been in this survival goal. If I can make it through the day, and not have any serious cuts or bruises I figure I've had victory. I don't know if that's a good thing, or whether I need to have some sort of "Higher" call. But He hasn't told me anything in that regard, so I guess I just will continue on this aimless mission I appear to be travelling on. oh well. Someday I'll have a purpose. Just not seeing it today :)