All About Men

So this weekend, i was driving home from Fredericton and totally felt compelled to go to a service in town.. was driving like a crazy person trying to get there in time, ended up being 15 min late but STILL felt compelled to go into the service.

The worship was not engaging, the speaker was autrocious, and i sat there at the afterservice asking God what in the world He had me there for. In the stillness I was saying to Him - I just want to be where you are.. wherever you are going to show up I want to be there.. If that's all this was about then that's okay.. but I don't understand why I would have to go to see the contrast of a service that is all about man.. all about what we can do for God.. promising again and again we will do for God..

I hate when it's man centred - and then God came to me and said.. and your life isn't? Your life is not about men, what they can do for you, how they can compelete you, how you want them in your life?

OUCH..... Still reeling still thinking over that one.. Man Centered - is that what I have become?

The Otherness of God

Artist: Lincoln Brewster
Album: Amazed
Track: More Like You

My ways are not Your ways
My thoughts are not Your thoughts
As the Heavens are higher than the Earth
Search me and know my heart
I give myself to You
For the Heavens are higher than the Earth

CHORUS:
I know Your ways are higher
I know Your love is greater
Show me Your ways
I wanna be more like You
Make me more like You

My ways are not Your ways
My thoughts are not Your thoughts
As the Heavens are higher than the Earth
Lord come and mold my heart
My eyes are set on You
For the Heavens are higher than the Earth


I have been realizing the past 24 hrs or so how different God is than me. I am shallow, He looks beyond the surface. I get tired easily, His strength continues for eternity. I don't have rescourses or abilities, He's got personality and the riches of Heaven at His disposal. I need things, He doesn't need anything. I am small, He is bigger than I can ever know. It's cool to blow your mind with the otherness of God.. to stop struggling to be something and allow Him to be everything for you. Anything that is good and of value in my life is all stuff that He has put in my life. He's the best of me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So Sore

TMJ - TMJ" stands for TemporoMandibular Joint, or the jaw joint. You have two TMJs, one in front of each ear, connecting the lower jaw bone (the mandible) to the skull. The joints allow movement up and down, side to side, and forward and back—all the mobility necessary for biting, chewing and swallowing food, for speaking and for making facial expressions.

And when you GRIND on this joint it causes real serious issues.. I'm struggling with pain, numbness and discomfort today. It's a nasty little thing, and I'm going to a massagist today.. hopefully that will relax me enough to stop grinding... holy flip.. my bite plane isn't helping at this point - i don't get relief anymore when i put it in. I'm going to my dentist this week - so i'll ask him about it..

GAH.. needed to vent.

A Single Letter

Today I had a wee cry. I was e-mailing a good friend, who also doubles as a father figure in my life, and he totally amazed me with a line in the e-mail that was a mixture of teasing and a mixture of tenderness. I was completely overwhelmed by it, the e-mail totally took me by suprise. Sometimes I am reminded of how crappy things were at home. I can't remember the last time my father teased me, I can't remember the last time he told me he loved me. I don't ever remember him saying he was proud of me. So much of my existance is looking for approval from people because my father never gave it to me. I wish that I had e-mails that he had written, teasing me, and letting me know that I was a princess in his eyes. I have one letter. One chatty little paper letter that he wrote to me when I was 16 and living in the states. That's probably one of my most valuable possessions, not because he professed his love for me, but because for the time it took him to write the letter, I was on his mind.

I am grateful for this new father-type in my life. It's hard for me to express how much it means to know that I am on someones mind. Sometimes it's hard to be fatherless.