A Single Letter

Today I had a wee cry. I was e-mailing a good friend, who also doubles as a father figure in my life, and he totally amazed me with a line in the e-mail that was a mixture of teasing and a mixture of tenderness. I was completely overwhelmed by it, the e-mail totally took me by suprise. Sometimes I am reminded of how crappy things were at home. I can't remember the last time my father teased me, I can't remember the last time he told me he loved me. I don't ever remember him saying he was proud of me. So much of my existance is looking for approval from people because my father never gave it to me. I wish that I had e-mails that he had written, teasing me, and letting me know that I was a princess in his eyes. I have one letter. One chatty little paper letter that he wrote to me when I was 16 and living in the states. That's probably one of my most valuable possessions, not because he professed his love for me, but because for the time it took him to write the letter, I was on his mind.

I am grateful for this new father-type in my life. It's hard for me to express how much it means to know that I am on someones mind. Sometimes it's hard to be fatherless.