No Sacrifice - Jason Upton

So incredibly simple - it has been speaking to my heart for 4 days straight. I can't believe His goodness to me, makes me want to give Him control. His love is much stronger than mine.



To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

Today

Today I'm okay with myself.

Haven't been here in a while.

I'm okay with the way I look.

I'm okay with the world around me.

I'm okay with the situations that are in my life. Some are not ideal but I'm learning about grace in them, and that things don't always have to go my own way.

I'm learning that honesty is the only way to really get to the bottom of things, and often when you listen real hard the answer is right there in front of you.

I'm okay with the past. The crap and the "leftovers". I can deal with them (in His strength) for today.

I'm okay with tomorrow - as uncertain as it might be. In fact if my life was over tomorrow I know I could be content with it.

I'm okay with my body today. For probably the first time in my life, there's nothing I would change. I'm okay with how I look and more importantly how I FEEL in this body.

I'm okay with God today. I'm not expecting more, not expecting less, only resting in His goodness.

It's a strange day today. But I'm so glad that I'm living it.. Glad that today is here, and I'm not too anxious about what is going to happen tomorrow or how I'm going to feel about it.

I'm settled today. It feels pretty darn good.

It's Funny What Goes On In Your Head Sometimes

Ever have your mind take off on you? Like simply go to a place where you had no intentions of going.. Just completely go off the deep end, and you are on the ride of your life? It doesn't happen to me THAT often (don't get worried), but sometimes the situation overwhelms me so, that I loose it. Saturday night was one of those times.

I had just arrived late to a dinner theatre, and was entering a room full of 250 laughing, eating adults. All of a sudden I froze. I completely had a mini-meltdown and my thoughts went wild "Everyone in this room was having fun before you came in, and if you had not shown up they still would have had a good time. No one here cares that you have arrived. You will once again arrive alone sit alone and leave alone. On the slight chance that someone will make room at their table for you, it will mostly be out of pity".. I completely felt like running, and if it wasn't for the teens and this performance meaning so much to them I would have. But i stayed and pushed back tears, and held back the urge to scream, as everyone around me bubbling told me how wonderful Christmas was and how lovely things were in their lives.

It's a horrible thing that I hate Christmas. It's not like me, and normally I would love this time of the year. I'd love for it to be about something other than a great big long period of time when I feel totally alone. It's that that I hate, how often it points to the fact that I don't have anyone to share this time with, and that I once again will sit by the tree opening presents from my mother. It gets me every time. Our pastor told us on Sunday to get over our selves, and stop feeling sorry for ourselves, and that lonliness is bad, but really get out there and love someone else.. THat's much easier said than done for sure. God must do this, cause I cannot force myself to love another. He has to get me back in centre, cause it's not something I can do myself.

All Over but the Crying

SO... 1 hr of uncomfortableness last night resulted in the following piece of ART... I absolutely love my new tattoo.. Love the colors, and the way it turned out. Love that it's now on my back forever, and that other than the first few weeks when I brag, I will be the only one who ever sees it/ enjoys it. Ahh... It feels like a really bad sunburn to me.. that's what the sensation is for me. It's still stinging a bit, but i've been taking tylenol and it seems to deaden the pain. I didn't mind the needle and the actual tattooing itself, but I minded how cold I was afterwards (think I got a chill in the tattoo parlor), and just how uncomfortable it was to sleep last night. Hopefully today it will calm down enough to let me sleep on it tonite. Between that and my chest I can see myself not really getting much rest for the next few days.

WOW..

So.. 1/2 hr left until i get tatoo'd.. :) i'm SUPER excited.. i woke up this morning excited.. really excited, and it is growing not stopping. I love the way you just wake up and are like YEAH... that happens so seldomly for me, i must admit. Anyway, I am looking forward to having it done and completed. It's the culmunation of having lost 34 lbs, and getting rid of the last of a certain someone, and just being in a good place for once in my life. I'm excited to know that I have accomplished it, and that I can now celebrate my new found tatoo (tomorrow - probably not so much tonite) :) YEAH.. i don't even care that it is going to hurt.. whatev.. we can take it :) ha ha!! Poor Nic, she has no idea the whining that will ensue after... Tee hee.. well.. i'll enjoy the experience and blog all about it tomorrow.