What Now

So what do I have to complain about anymore? I'm not obese anymore. I am moving on the weekend, so I don't have to worry about living under someone else's roof anymore.. it's like i don't have anything else to rant about. I'll have to create chaos in my life, just so I have something to gripe about.

The weekend was productive. I packed up most of my room. The move is on Friday. I'm looking forward to seeing my stuff again, and having space to myself again, and having a place that I can call my own. It's been almost 2 years since I have been on my own. This will be a great experience.

Went to trivia last night. Was suprised at how well we did. I enjoyed just sitting around laughing and having fun with the girls. Hopefully we can make it a semi-regular occurance.

I Made It

So I made it. 30 Lbs I lost in total. I can't believe it. I weighed myself today and i have finally arrived at my goal weight. I'm super excited, and totally satisfied with what i have achieved. I feel 100% better, I look much healthier, and I am comfortable in my own body again. I am so proud of myself for sticking with this diet, and for actually getting to this place. I didn't expect to get here this quickly (4 months). Makes me wish I'd done it sooner!!

WOW.. Now i have to find out how to stabablize, and where my body will stop loosing weight at. HOpefully it's soon, because the clothes I have now (that fit me) are starting to be baggy again. GAH!!

So only you and I know what this is. It's the last bit of hold you had on my life. No more.. No more questions, doubts, insecurities, or pain. It's all gone now, burnt away in a fire that raged for an hour. You don't have hold in my life, you don't have a piece of me, God has healed all that you have done. I will never look back never want what I once had. All of you has been taken from all of me. After 5 years I have had enough of your remnants, and it's finished.

Sometimes You Need to be Verified

So. Last night had a chat with one of my friends, a really long one, one of those you know you will remember for the rest of your life. I sat across from her as one by one she recalled where we'd been the past 5 years, how much God had brought me to her mind, and how He had revealed the truth of what was going on in my life. She knew the truth all this time, and sometimes when I feel like there is no one out there who understands, or who believes me from my past life, she assured me that she did. She got separated from me, and didn't know how to get back into my life. It was amazing to reconnect last night.

So I didn't dream all this up. What he did to me was not just a nightmare but it really happened. So many times I watch movies, and I think, yep I've been there, or was that this girl I knew who lived it. But now I know I really did survive. Out of all the things I have needed, reassurance that it actually happened was one thing I needed. And I got that last night from someone who was there, from someone who watched me drowning and feared for me each time she left me alone. I can't believe that someone noticed, it seemed so many others didn't notice, or chose not to care, or shut it out like a dirty little secret. So many did know, had seen the effects, and yet stood by silently and even were furious at me for ending things. Now I know that there were a few who saw behind the mask, behind the lies, and saw what was really going on.

It gives me great comfort now to know that God was being my defender. He was the One who was whispering to my friends late at night, prompting them to pray, and to rebuke when it was necessary the dark force plotting against me. They were there for me, even when I could not know about it.

I love God's timing. As the weight falls, so does his last clutch on my life. No more will he hold power or control. God is SUPER good.

It's One of Those Things

Liking a guy and finding out he has no interest in you is a crazy thing. I'd love to be the type of girl who guys are totally into, one of those girls who can take their pick of men, instead of scrounging around the bottom of the barrel, hoping for someones leftovers. Unfortunatly, I am not that type of girl. Guys don't ever seem to notice me, or seem to see me as a "datable" personality. It's genuinely irritating and sometimes really isolating. I really have not been asked out for real in like over a year, and by someone that really was "elligible" hm... probably 10 years. It's a depressing thought really. I could be dead before Mr. Right comes along. Should be interesting for him though, to have a corpse bride.

Even if there was someone I could just BE interested in, and really seem like there might be a possibility of something. I had some hopes dashed this weekend. Found a guy that was at least my age, at least loved Jesus, and enjoyed some of the activities that I do, but alas, I am not his type, and he doesn't like me in that way. It's a bit disconcering, and lots of times I'm self-concious about the lack of manly attention my way. What the heck is wrong with me. Back I go to the "I am a complete freak" head space.

YELK

Thoughts Before The Great Surf Trip

So.. it's going to be a good weekend for surfing. Everyone is MOST stoked to go on this trip. And really, for the social aspect I am too. I am really going to have fun with the girls on the way down, and then during the day when we all eat and spend time together. But it is going to SUCK so hard to be by myself. And to not be able to get on a board. That is REALLY going to suck hard. I spent the entire summer getting prepared to go. I spent the entire summer loosing weight so I wouldn't look so horrible in a wet suit, and I spent the entire summer looking forward to this weekend. I'm so dissapointed that I can't go. So frigging upset that I will get to sit on the beach.

Andrew's a good sport, recommended a good book for me to read, and I picked up another book that I hope to get through tomorrow too. I think i'll pick up a waterproof camera as well to take some photos. That will be all the "adventure" for me I am afraid. Sucky but true.

The Stones concert ROCKED. I was so happy to be there, even more excited when they played RAY CHARLES Tunes!! Yeah!!


My birthday was rocking. Nic & Hannah planned a orienteering trail. I love orienteering.. ah.. High School fun. Then about 15 of us went out for supper which was awesome. Good times on birthday 29!!