Hmmmm...

So.. 20 lbs. that's what i've lost so far.. in 4 months that's pretty good. I'm getting more and more content with my body.. and i'm not so "hardcore" about what weight I end up at. I would like to loose another 10 lbs. That would really make me happy, but if it doesn't happen than that's fine.

Camp last week was amazing. It was so amazing to see God work. I was amazed at how He took my weakness, and used me for some purpose last week. The teens down at the camp were so amazing, so full of creativity and Jesus. I loved just watching them, just seeing them worship, and chat with each other. I was super blessed to be there for the week.

A Week To end All Weeks

Well if I make it through this week, life will be good. I am 100% sold on my new diet. I feel better generally and my clothes are fitting a lot better. I have a bunch of clothes that I have to give away, because they don't fit, or look strange on me now. I have shrunk two shirt sizes, and 2 pant sizes, and there's about 6 inches off my belt so far. I'm pumped that my summer of hard work has paid off. There's now no real cravings for any types of food anymore. I'm pretty happy with the way that I eat, and don't think I'll ever go back to the way things were. I don't miss potatoes, rice or pasta, and those were the things that I really thought I couldn't live without! It's been 3 months, and I have been amazed at the energy, and the lack of colds that I have had in just changing my diet altogether!

I'm still no where near my "ideal weight" so to speak. I have only lost 15 lbs on the scale. Jennie tells me that I should just have a size that I want to fit into (like a standard size 9 - no matter what store), instead of going for a weight. But the problem that I have with that, is there is always another size down. I mean if i can fit in a 9, why couldn't I go for a 7. And at somepoint this weightloss is going to stop. I want to know when that is.

I think I'll attack the fat with one more shot of suppliments. Dr. Kali gave me another way to loose weight, and she said if i hadn't lost what I wanted by September, to try this. So I'll give that a go as well.

Probably The Sweetest E-Mail I've Ever recieved

Hey you,
Did you see the movie where those two people go out for lunch and the guy couldn't care less where they went as long as it was somewhere the girl was interested in going. The only thing the guy thought might be helpful was maybe leaving early for lunch so they could relax and talk without being crowded and rushed by all the "dinner" people. AUGH!!! I hate "dinner" people. Anyway, they talked about some cool stuff over dinner and he asked her about her plans for the week-end. I'm not sure what happened next but I think she was really excited about what he was doing and dropped all her stuff no matter how important it was just to hang out with him. Or maybe she said she couldn't go and he was a super cool and understanding guy who just said,"Oh, okay. That's cool.". None the less, if I were you, I wouldn't bother renting this movie unless you just wanted to hang out with someone and not really watch the movie 'cause the movie sucked

One More Rant

So one more thing i have to complain about today... I have a guy who stares at me ALL the time.. It's like everytime i turn around he's staring at me. He once admitted that he liked me (in an e-mail where he was drunk and stoned, and went on and on about how i was his dream girl). I confronted him about 2 months ago about it and he like blew it off and said it was just a crush and it ment nothing to him. but he still stares, and is still SUPER creepy..

GAH!! Why do i get all the creepy ones, and the nice ones never look my way!

SOOOOO Frustrating

Feeling Freakish

Most of the time I feel like a wierdo. This is going to sound crazy but I really sometimes wonder if I can ever be normal. Most of my friends would say, you don't want to be normal, you are artsy, or ecclectic or whatnot. I saw a guy friend of mine last night and he just looked at me most of the night like i was a wierdo. I really only talked to him a couple of times and both times he just laughed at me like i was a kook. THis being the guy who asked me once if i had therapy. I'm tired of being the crazy one, tired of being the one who is eccentric. I'm tired of guys being scared of me and thinking that i'm nutters. Really and truly i wish i could be normal for one day for ONE SECOND.. and not have to get those looks from people, the looks of holy flip you are one crazy bird.

I hate being different sometimes, and truly that's why the one whom i don't speak of was so dang hard to get over, he didn't treat me like a freak, he didn't make me feel touched. He just accepted me for who I was.. and i loved that. Where the #*&$#* is the guy who is going to think there is nothing wrong with me?