Wanting Something So Bad

Ever really really really want something? Like seeing a group of people you would really like to be friends with, and dying to find a way in, only to have doors slammed in your face? Even if you KNOW it's not healthy, even if you KNOW it probably wouldn't satisfy you, you still desire it. What is it that makes me do this? Why is my behaviour so compulsive?

This is who I am. Out of control. It's frustrating, and discouraging. But yet, God is big enough to handle me.

I stand amazed.